Letting things go, slip into the past. Letting them fade, letting them be forgotten. It’s not always easy. I feel like I’m trying to separate air, choosing what to keep and what to lose. I want a change in my life. I want to be fully His. I want my life to be His tool. I want to be more than just me. I want to be less shy and less needy. I want to be more independent, less of a complainer. I want to learn how to speak out and be myself.
It seems like I want a lot. I feel like I’m trapped in a box I created myself and I’m the only one who holds the key, but I lost it somewhere. Whenever I manage to get halfway out of my box, I want to go back because of what I see on the outside.
Do not tell my I’m depressing. There is nothing wrong with wanting improvement, searching for something more. Knowing that I have not achieved what I want does not make me depressing. It gives me a drive, a motivation to do more. That, my dears, is a hopeful thing. Striving for something more…isn’t that what life is about? Always yearning to do more. It’s never enough to stay in one place. Must we constantly be seeking improvement? The journey to heaven is a long, hard one. Yes, our places our guaranteed, but shouldn’t we try to be the best we can be before we get there?