Despite the numbers at the right-hand bottom corner of the screen telling me that it’s 9:09, it’s really after midnight. The night is a weird time for me, where thoughts become strange and twisted, yet somehow more pure and focused than in the light. Recently, I’ve realized just how truly impatient I am. I can’t wait to grow up, to leave highschool behind and create my own identity. I want to be more than who I am now. I want to make an impact on the world, to be somebody. To be unique, and to be secure in myself. But more than that, I want to experience life at its fullest, to be able to chase down my dreams instead of watching them float lifelessly in my head. I want to skip years, to be considered “old enough” to experience and understand real love and what it takes to give and receive such “real love.” I want my own family! And yeah, I know that I’m young and obviously naive, but that’s what I want. I’m impatiently waiting on that life to come my way.
But before you tell me that I’m wishing away my life, I know that I want to live every day to the fullest. There are moments when time should stand still, but instead, it slips away like the breeze. There are days I would love to have lasted for years, lifetimes even. But no, time is cruel. It flits away when you want it to stay, and it moves at the velocity of sludge when you feel the need for speed.
Maybe it’s that I’m tired of my age being the reason I can’t do something, can’t be someone, can’t…just can’t. My age isn’t something I can help. And really, I’m such an indecisive person that I don’t make irrational decisions all that often. Well, obviously my thoughts are wandering.
And now, even this retarded computer knows that it’s 12:30 am, so I’m going to stop typing before i fall asleep and drop my dad’s laptop.