Doubt

I’m feeling really lost right now. Not eternally lost, just momentarily. I know where I’ll spend eternity; I know my ultimate future. But the immediate one is scaring me. I don’t want to get hurt again. Who would ever want that? I want my happily ever after, just like everybody else in the world. But we can’t see into the future, can’t see if it all works out in the end. All I know is that the past is just…in the past. And all we have is now. Am I asking for too much? I want love. I want to be loved for who I am, and I don’t want to be lied to. And I feel awful for feeling like this, because I know that God loves me. I know he paid the ultimate cost and proved his undying love, that He is the only one I can truly trust…the only One who won’t let me down. God is my everything. And I feel like I’m begging him to give me something, like a spoiled child who wants every toy in the store. I’m…just tired of feeling lonely, tired of worrying that I’ll be alone forever. At the ripe old age of seventeen, too. I’m tired of doubts.

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