Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend…

I went wrong somewhere. Multiple somewheres, in fact. I’ve lost friends I should never have let go. I’ve made mistakes that I knew were stupid right when I was making them. I guess this is a public apology. I let my pride speak before my heart much too often.

I guess what really hurts is knowing that it’s all in the past. And the past can’t be rewritten. It’s too late to go back and undo the pain; the best thing to do is just move on. But I feel stuck. I keep losing friendships. Some, I’m not all that sad to see go. Others…well, heartbreak over boys can heal, but losing a friend you thought would always be there for you leaves a crater in your heart.

I have friends. I just miss the closeness I used to have. I miss the ability to trust someone with your heart, share your feelings, and just enjoy each other’s company. I feel even more alone now that it’s summer, and my boyfriend is too many miles away to completely fill the gap.

Thank God I have a bad memory. I don’t think I could handle this if it wasn’t fading slowly into the background.

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