Without a cause.

I’m a goal setter. A list maker. A planner. I may or may not actually follow through, but I like to have a clear path to what I want to accomplish. I need to know the end result of something before I even start. Before all this mess started, I had divided attention. School and personal life. My focus was split between my relationship and school, with the obvious goals of marriage and graduation. Now, I’ve lost that whole relationship goal and it’s more of an ambiguous “eventually,” a hope to find somebody who will, like I said before, love me better than he ever did. It’s only a vague hope right now, as I’m listless and lost at the moment. So now I’m shifting all my attention on my career and myself. I need to get through grad school applications and the rest of this semester.

I need a new goal. So I guess my new goal is to become the best possible me. To focus on others. To learn my future profession. To make a difference in the lives of my kids. Because hey, it’s not about me. I wanted to build a life around serving others, so maybe I needed this to set me back on the right track.

Cuteness of the day: We watched Toy Story in the library with most of the grades in the after school program today. I sat down with one of the kindergarten boys. He kept scooting closer to me, until he finally got out of his chair and climbed into my lap. After organizing my arms to make himself comfortable, he wrapped his arms around me in a big hug and kissed me on the cheek.

He’ll never know how much I needed that.

It’s amazing how something small can completely turn someone’s day around.


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