When I was in high school, my friends and I had a pretend band of sorts. We thought of ourselves as clever, creative people who may eventually write music and become superstars. Most of it was in jest, but I think that I wasn’t the only one who wished our imaginative game was more than fantasy.
Anatomy of a Breakup was one of the song titles we came up with. As far as I recall, we never had any lyrics or music to go with it. I felt it was fitting to my current situation as I’m trying to figure out the past, present, and future of my life while still navigating the rough waters of my final undergraduate year.
I feel like it’s time for me to move on to the next step of my “recovery.” For the first month, I let myself wallow. I threw myself pity parties, ate whatever I wanted, and lazed around. I stayed in bed much too long, called my mother at every opportunity, and dumped my problems onto my friends. Now I’ve decided this needs to stop. I’m going to block certain pages, make myself work out, finish my graduate school applications, and regain my social life.
I am in control, not my depression.