The Messages

I started out last week by talking about my own profile, which was quite the hassle to create. Now I feel like I should talk about the messages I’ve been receiving. The response to my profile has been overwhelming. Guys from all over (mostly within a 50 mile radius) have been messaging me. I’m not used to this ridiculous amount of attention, so I had to come up with a system for wading through the messages. So here is my Do Not Respond list.

  1. No profile picture. Um, hello. You seem really creepy when you’re faceless. I don’t care if you just joined, put up a picture before you send me a message.
  2. No pictures with a face. I don’t want a mirror shot of your abs. I’m glad you find yourself that attractive, but if you’re not showing your face, you look like you have something to hide. And maybe that silhouette picture makes you seem dark and mysterious to some, but to me, you just seem creepy.
  3. Improper grammar. If your message is a run-on sentence that makes zero sense, I’m not going to reply. I don’t want to need an interpreter to communicate with you. Example: “i im [name] just moved back home after 5 years in the marine corps, been back in town for a few month an it seems all the friends i had have either started families of their own or have moved out of the area. I’m looking to meet some new people. I’m kind of over going out to the bar every night an meeting the types thats attracted to that scene, don’t get me wrong i love going out an having a few drinks but its defiantly not an every weekend type of thing. id like to meet a genuine nice person an see where things go. i like four wheeling , hunting, walking my dog at shelby farms, an having a good ole time out in the middle of nowhere under the bright blue night sky where you can actually see the stars.” While the content here seems fine, writing “definitely” as “defiantly” is a major pet peeve of mine. Judge me all you want, but I can’t deal with that type of writing. Personal preference, I suppose.
  4. Way too intense, way too soon. Um, don’t send me a video of someone singing a love song to his fiancé. Again, can’t deal.
  5. Just saying “hey.”  This gives me NOTHING to respond to. I have to go through the person’s profile and dig up some information to start a conversation. Also, sending me “hey what’s up” repeatedly just irritates me. Example:ImageObviously, if I didn’t respond the first time, I’m not going to respond the second time. And I’m not going to feel bad about not responding. The first week my profile was up, I was getting about ten messages a day. I don’t have the app on my phone, so I only check when I have internet access on my laptop. The whole point of online dating is that I’m incredibly busy with school, so I don’t have a ton of time to have conversations with strangers. I have a screening system which may seem incredibly superficial, but I have to start somewhere.

So a good message that I’d probably respond to would include some mention of something I talked about in my profile, maybe a compliment, and perhaps the start of a conversation about a mutual interest. It doesn’t have to be long. Even just a simple question asking my opinion on a mutual interest would be fine. It seems only about 25% of the messages on OkCupid fit this profile.

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